Time Warp/Opa's Week

The week following my father’s death was a time warp for me/us. Time seemed to have stood still. The world seemed to have stopped still even though we knew that life went on around us, even though we could see that life went on around us. We were stuck in a time warp where nothing much else mattered except what we were feeling. It was a surreal experience. The next day Tante Edelgard, Conny and Jacquie arrived with all sorts of provisions and ready to help. I thought we could have probably fed 400 people. It turned out to be just right. I think Wednesday we mostly just all felt numb. We tried to discuss and organize what we needed to do now, in regards to immediate arrangements. Anger, sadness and confusion were not uncommon feelings that day. And we all tried to take care of each other.

My best goodbye moment happened on Wednesday when we saw my dad for the last time. Dean, our neighbour, friend and undertaker had laid him beautifully in a simple coffin covered up to the chin in a woolly blanket. He looked lovely and warm and cozy. I had brought a hymnbook because I wanted to sing him his favourite hymn. And so our whole family stood around him singing “Lobe den Herren” as lustily as we could. We then went on to sing many of his other favourites, including “How much is that doggie in the window?” and of course “How great thou art?” There seemed to be a smile of contentment and peace on his face.

Thursday was the whirlwind organizing day. Tante Edelgard, Conny and Jacquie came back and were such a big help in focusing us and helping us call people and figure out all the fine details. Mark, John and my mom spent the day in Toronto looking for a gravesite while Kim and I and the cousins fielded phone calls, made phone calls, checked messages, made lists and collected flowers that came to the door. It was exhausting. I’m glad Kim could take the bull by the horns to get us jump started into action. I didn’t seem to be able to.

Friday was the burial at Resthaven Cemetery in Toronto. The body was first brought to a local mosque where it received a ritual washing and the women of the family were invited to come to the prayers afterwards. Though I had thought that this would be a beautiful thing I, personally, found it very difficult in the end. Katharina, the Lutheran minister, presided at the burial. We all walked together from the parking lot to the gravesite singing “Jesu, geh voran” that Tante Ursel and I started. It was a hot and sunny day. Just before the coffin was lowered deep into the ground, Natalie took Sebastian over to it and touched his little hand to the coffin. That was a most poignant moment for me. We sang “Lobe den Herren” and “Segne und behüte” and spontaneously after the little service “How great thou art”. After the cemetery service we went to the Donaldson’s home where Wendy had organized a beautiful afternoon luncheon for us. It was a lovely intimate gathering.

Saturday, Brigitte and Bruce were with my mom and I in St Catharines. We did leftover organizing for the memorial services still to come. Larry and I put together a slideshow and movie. It took most of all day but it was beautiful work. It made my dad feel not so far away.

Sunday, July 21, was the service in Toronto at St George’s Lutheran Church. The church was full. Many people came. My dad would have been pleasantly surprised. There were probably close to 200 people there. And we had way too many sandwiches left over! It was good to see so many people I haven’t seen in a long time. It felt much like a party. We sang his favourite German hymns. There was lots of singing. Kim’s friends, who also knew and love my dad, came and played. Their first postlude was Edelweiß, which was just perfect. I started singing along and many people joined in, like they did on the Sound of Music. Deanna said she picked it because she knew he loved it and it was what they had danced to at her wedding. Mark and John both read Scripture. Mark gave a very awesome eulogy. He blew me away really. He presented a Rumi poem, which embodied my father, talked about the 10 commandments and how my dad always said, “People should just follow the 10 commandments and then everything would be okay”. He talked about how it was his birthday, and Father’s Day, and the first day of summer. Someone had said to him before the service started “Your father has been promoted from being an earthly angel, to being a heavenly angel.” So Mark focused his words around that, and how it was really a cause for celebration. He ended with rousing confidence, “So I say to my father, Happy Birthday, Happy Father’s Day, Happy First Day of Summer and Congratulations on your promotion”. My father would have been very proud of Mark. I presented my slideshow with speech at the reception part. I missed my dad most that day after, when just us went back to Kim’s house. And he wasn’t there. We wanted to tell him all about how great it was and who was all there. But we couldn’t. It was then that something was missing.

Monday. I don’t remember what we did on Monday. Maybe we had some rest time. There must have also been a little organizing left over for Tuesday.

Tuesday, July 22, was the service in St Catharines at St Thomas Anglican Church. The choir that my parents sing in came and sang. They/We sang favourite songs and hymns again. Maybe 80 people came. And too many sandwiches left over again. This service was harder for me. I think maybe because it was the last thing. It was the last thing in a week long of organizing events for my dad and after this it was final and over. Wayne and Eleanor both spoke very beautifully and eloquently about my dad. And Mark spoke again, also very well though a little less focused. Maybe he was having the same problem I was. A few of my friends, who weren’t able to make it on Sunday but wanted to come, came from far away to Tuesday’s service. It was so nice that they too came. Some of our people came to everything, which was very unnecessary but also very lovely and supportive.

And then that was it. We met with the Inspector dealing with the accident in the afternoon. And then on Wednesday we slowly started dispersing. John went back to work on Wed. I went back on Thursday for the last day of school to say good bye to the kids. That was hard because they all knew and came and gave me hugs and cards. One boy in grade 1 called out when I entered the room, “Is your dad okay?” “My dad died.” I replied. “But are you going to see him again?” he asks. “No, I can’t because he died”. And tears are welling up. Another boy comes and gives me a hug and says, “Don’t be sad, Ms Schemeit. Your dad’s in heaven.” And though those were the most direct and beautiful words and expressions of feeling I heard all day, everyone’s sentiments were somehow the same.

And so the time warp was dispelled and daily life of the world crept back in and so we cope and we struggle and we work and we help each other. Thankfully the summer holidays are here. I’ve been helping with paperwork and last week I went to St Catharines to help pick all the red currants from the many bushes in our yard. And so we remember him in different ways at different times and we know that he is with God and God is with him and God is with us.